Thoughts on Foraging

They make their way down to the beach. The sky swells with clouds above, harder and more material than the land. Elliot disturbs him; leading him down to the water, as if Will is the visitor. He’s taken off – and his blond head can be seen paces ahead, the same color as the dead cord grass that lines the path. Ahead, he runs his hand through the vegetation, picking up small things from the ground. He stops to look up for short stretches, then down. 

Eventually he rounds a bend and Will loses him, but there he is, waiting at the end of the sand path with the ocean behind him. He has a blade of dry grass in his mouth. Will decides he must think of himself as immensely charismatic. 

“Here,” says Elliot, and hands him a small, flesh-colored conch shell. 

“Oh,” says Will, “thanks.” He takes it. 

“Put it to your ear. You’ll hear traffic.”

“Traffic?”

“Yeah. Like, the sound of cars passing your window at night.”

“I thought you were supposed to hear the sea in a conch shell.” 

“Well, yeah. But it sounds the same. And you already have the sea. I thought you might want to hear the sound of cars, instead.”

Will looks at Elliot, unsure of how to respond. Silently he raises the conch shell to his ear. The sound is familiar; a static of particulate matter. He imagines the minuscule droplets of salt water colliding in air and tries to hear traffic, but he can only hear the sea; busy, verbal, dense. He takes the conch from his ear and moves to return it. 

“Keep it,” says Elliot.

“Oh,” Will replies, “thanks.” 

Elliot turns and walks towards the ocean as if he owns it, knowing Will will follow. It is annoying, slightly, but so is every small act of kindness, and Will registers he is upset about the conch, which he now pockets. He knows his life is small and sad to Elliot. His only consolation is that it will soon be Elliot’s as well. 

Elliot stands at the lip of the water, then walks further. It is freezing, and the wind batters their bodies, but he is now standing up to his ankles in the surf; his shoes still on his feet and his pants unrolled. Will stands gingerly at the edge, watching. Elliot turns, and then, all of a sudden, sneezes. It is a ridiculous, girly, high-pitched sneeze. Will watches with satisfaction as the blade of grass drops from his mouth into the water. 

“Bless you,” he says. 

“Man, don’t bless me. I am not about that God stuff. Hail satan, if you say anything at all.” says Elliot, – this is so obnoxious that Will has no response – “anyway, I should’ve known. I’m allergic to grass.”

“You’re allergic to grass?” asks Will. His tone of voice is almost mean.

“Yeah. Grass, dust, and horses. It’s a miracle I’m alive. I grew up in the city. For the first 5 years of my life the most I knew of grass was the fake turf we had for my dog. Plus, we had a cleaning lady, so no dust, and don’t even mention horses. Horses were practically mythical.” 

“I love horses. I love grass. I even love dust,” says Will. He loves dust because it means a room has sat, unchanged, forever. It means permanence, but he doesn’t say this. 

“Me too! I have to start a regimen of exposure therapy.”

“I can find you grass and dust, but I don’t know about horses.” 

“Maybe you can just show me pictures of them. Flashcards. I’ll train myself out of it.” Elliot is smiling again, and Will laughs, just a little bit. 

“Have you ever heard of Wim Hof?” he asks, offering more of himself to the conversation. 

“I think I might’ve heard of him.”

“He’s this Dutch guy that trains himself to withstand incredibly cold water. He can control his body temperature at will.”

“You’re beginning to make me think that my allergies are a personal weakness.”

“Well I’m not saying they’re not.” 

Elliot laughs. They are friends. It is this simple. 

Out of Body

x

My ex boyfriend was tall; but, perhaps out of respect for others shorter than him, was able to make himself, by optical illusion, (leaning,) into someone whose tallness was not a factor of his personality. I once told him, almost flirting, “I feel so bad for tall people. If you fall it’s such a long way down,” which in retrospect was almost a neg, a weird self conscious short person thing to say.

Let it be known, if he was a tree: Willow; he had long hair that used to fall down around my face like a curtain when we kissed. The first time we hung out (almost entirely alone,) he was visiting my college, having departed from the same institution a semester before. We watched the movie “Foodfight!”, together; in which Charlie Sheen plays Dex Dogtective: a cereal mascot come to life in an epic battle of the brands. It is known for its abysmal computer animation, but not for its plot, which under no circumstances can be followed, especially when the soft part of your arm is touching the soft part of your neighbor’s arm.

The first time we spent completely, entirely, alone, in my dorm room; we began to take off our shoes.

I said: “Okay. If you have a foot fetish, you have to tell me now.”

He said: “No, I don’t have a foot fetish, but I do crave Mommy’s milk.” 

He sounded dead serious. For a week I was partly convinced that I may have to brandish a nipple and speak in babytalk. This is a testament to how much I liked him. When I brought it up again, he was dismissive. “I was joking!” Oh. I can be very literal. 

But he liked me. He told me he had dreams about me. At many moments I felt myself caught in the beam of his gaze, conscious of being imperfect. Undressing, sometimes. When his face came too close – “too close” which always seems to be the distance needed for kissing. I have seen myself up close; the patches in my makeup, how small my eyes become without liner; the same I’ve worn since I was 15. I know men must have these same thoughts about themselves, but the romantic idea is always that they don’t. That men enter a space and map the room, and occupy it exactly as it should be occupied. 

I would like to think that this is that easy: that women have bodies and men don’t, or don’t know they do, or don’t know they have to. That, unlike me, men know what to do with their arms. But I know this to be untrue. My first boyfriend, in high school, could become so anxious as to be unable to bend his arms. He held them slightly away from his body. The action seemed protective. If you have ever watched a man under the age of 25 cross in front of you, alone, on the street, you can see almost a heat map of tension; there in his shoulders, there in his knees. With a larger body comes all sorts of new variables. You are not supposed to be large, in this world, even if it isn’t fat, per se. I imagine the sprawl of my semi-suburbia in miniature, like the diorama in Beetlejuice, and each time I enter a store or walk down the street, I imagine a man with a pair of tweezers, trying to fit me in. His hand is shaking, I can feel it. I am shaking; threatened constantly by others’ eyes. 

We are all meant to be dollike: to the powers that be, we are dolls. Dolls have no genitalia. The more I see the body as a gendered thing the more miserable I grow. None of the men I’ve been involved with have loved their bodies, either. If you cannot find a way to exist without feeling your body doesn’t, there is no moment of relaxation. This is how even sex became, or perhaps always was, unbearable for me. 

Intro to Asteroids and the Asteroids I find most useful (under construction until the end of time)

Preface:

Asteroids are a difficult topic to write about. There are 20,364 of them currently named, and aside from about 200 of them which have been mentioned by the (online) astrological community, most of them remain a mystery. Perhaps if asteroids (other than Ceres, Pallas, Vesta and Juno) had been considered more significant in the astrological community before 2003, we would be more asteroid-ly aware. But alas, no.

As a result, much of the meaning we apply to asteroids has to do with either guesswork or patterns observed in our individual astrological practices. Often this guesswork is intensely literal. No one knows why the hell the discoverers of the asteroids "Humptydumpty," "Beer," "Pecker," and "Radiocommunicata" named them what they did, but against the natural order of things, "Beer" has been known to predict alcoholism eerily well. (Don't ask me about the others.)

This means that, if an important first name (or a similarly spelled variation of it) exists as an asteroid, it can appear as an incredibly karmic entity in your chart. Asteroids with the names of family members, mentors, children, friends, and lovers who have heavily impacted you tend to closely conjunct significant places in a chart. Why? I have no idea. It sounds like a collective delusion of astrological researchers. I know. But I have seen it happen too many times to deny that it's true.

Asteroids on their own do not usually effect your personality to a large extent. They add only a minute degree of specificity to a chart. But in the case that an asteroid closely (within an orb of 1-3 degrees) conjuncts or opposes a personal planet or angle, large pieces of a person's life can be suddenly pulled into focus. This can be helpful in defining exactly how a turbulent chart plays out individually. We know a Pisces with a Pisces moon squaring Pluto has probably had it hard, but how exactly? Who is to blame? How have they dealt with this? And how will they evolve?

How:

To find asteroids in one's own chart, the most reliable algorithm so far available is astro.com's extended chart selection. Once you have, go to the "Additional objects" section and input the numbers of the asteroids you would like to use. There is a list available through the website, but I also use the International Astronomical Union's list of minor planets- which is the exact same thing but on a separate goddamn page. (The only way I can read a chart is having five different informational windows open on my desktop at once, all made incredibly small just so they can fit next to each other.)

Anyway, to become a Successful Asteroid Astrologer Who Knows How To Manipulate The Stars to Achieve Their Own Nefarious Ends you must first compile a list of valuable asteroids. Below are some of my personal favorites and their meanings and numbers grouped by theme. Keep in mind that astro.com only allows the visualization of 11 additional celestial bodies at once aside from Chiron (sigh,) so you typically have to create several charts with different groupings of asteroids. Next to my most reliable asteroids I'll put a little asterisk.

Product Disclaimer: 
Let us keep in mind that astrology is an incredibly intrusive business and that asteroids can tell us information about another person that they may not necessarily want us to know. Unless we're talking about a family member, a celebrity, someone you'll never meet, an incredibly close best friend, or someone who's a generally active part of your life, you should probably ask for permission with complete astrological disclosure before you go about uprooting their psyche. Whether they know you have astrologically deduced them or not, it's more of a question of your own integrity than anything else. I am going to list asteroids which may indicate specific, debasing experiences that have occurred in a person's past, and possibly horrendous future happenings. 

I think it is irresponsible, tyrannical and repressive not to document that these asteroids do, in fact, exist and can be healing/wise to understand and acknowledge. It is equally irresponsible, in my opinion, to make a black and white assumption ("I'm/They're an abuser! I/They have an eating disorder! My/Their father cheated with the maid! I'm/They're going to die in a boating accident!") based on the placements of these asteroids. Astrology is not specific predestination. It represents a neutral fate. It hands you a small lottery of materials, and it is your responsibility to use these positively. Personally, I have no patience for the irrational perspective that we are helpless to ourselves/our stars. We are not. There were millions of people born at the same time you were, and their lives will be drastically different from yours. So there. 

That being said, I am not going to mince words here. Astrology is only subjective to a point, and skewing the truth to make it more digestible would be cowardly of me. It would seem like a very regressive thing to do that could reverse the possibility for a heightened state of self-awareness. If you find self-awareness to be something that is painful or uncomfortable, turn back now. Astrology is not for you. I say this with all of the kindness and understanding in my heart. But still, don't be scared of yourself. It's boring. Self awareness is apart of the process of making one's neutral fate positive. 

What if Copernicus was too terrified to say the Earth revolved around the Sun? Where would we be now? Astrology, too, is a science, however personal or disputed, and deserves to be documented. 

Also (lol,) it is likely my definitions for each asteroid will shorten as they go on. It is tiring to write these. 

MOVING ON...

Family, Home and Childhood

• Child* (4580)

Like many asteroids, Child does what it says. This asteroid indicates a person's childhood and the inner layer of that childhood which they carry through life. Also like most asteroids, if it is not intensely aspected by another asteroid or planet, it is mostly negligible. If closely conjunct or opposed by an "explosive" asteroid like Pholus (5145,) it may indicate an extremely childish or sentimental person. A close (or even loose) connection to Dejanira, the asteroid of victimhood, may indicate an abusive childhood. A connection to Vesta may imply a fantastic memory of one's childhood, or a skilled usage of one's inner child. 

• House (4950)

Yes, House represents one's place of residence. Shocking. House in a cart is where you most commonly find yourself existing. Not necessarily the ideal place- but a place nonetheless. If closely conjunct Pluto in the 9th house, for example, the individual may frequently find themselves in institutions of education, either under other's power or exercising power over others. If conjunct Uranus, one could have a frequently disquieting home life or move often. House speaks first to your childhood home.

• Antigone (129)

The actual meaning of the name "Antigone" is vaguely along the lines of; "instead of one's parents." 

I see Antigone as the asteroid of controlling, militaristic parents. Often these people have come from difficult backgrounds and use their children to feel more personally secure. They, like Creon, act according to what they are told they are supposed to do. Only the straightest As, the best manners, the most prestigious college, the highest paying career, the most outwardly acceptable life, will do. The child's self is rejected in place of their parents'. 

To a darker degree, it can symbolize parental abuse in the same vein as corporal punishment. Antigone can also be where one's parents refused support when support was most needed, leading to depression. A man with Antigone conjunct his moon may have been thrown out of the house when his parents discovered he was gay- their reasoning being that his sexuality was against religious principles.

• Sedna (90377)

In my own astrological studies, I find Sedna to be a very vague asteroid. Different astrologers claim it has different definitions. At most, I can say it indicates a distrust of men. The myth is complicated with many variations, but the gist remains the same: Sedna's father throws her out, she marries a liar, then descends into the depths of the sea to become a sea-Goddess of a type. 

• DNA (55555)

DNA, if anything, is an asteroid which represents what is innate to who you were born as- something that was not passed down from one's immediate family. Where DNA touches in the chart often indicates a specific trait that one had to develop in opposition to one's family. It could also be something unchangeable about oneself- something written into the actual DNA, or something that makes you unique to the wider world. In synastry, DNA can be a very romantic element to a shared chart. 

• Anchises (1173)

Anchises was a mortal man seduced by Aphrodite. After boasting about sleeping with her to his bros, Aphrodite proceeded to permanently blind him. Oops. In his old age, Anchises was carried from the burning city of Troy on the back of their son Aeneas. 

I find Anchises to symbolize burdens in general, but often these burdens have a familial origin. Possibilities include the burden of a collective family identity/reputation, the burden of one's literal inherited genes, the burden of the parentified child, or the burden of physically/mentally ill parents. Anchises represents a long-lasting claustrophobia or trauma surrounding the family, usually towards one parent in specific (often the father.) The parent(s) creates a burden due to their unhealthiness, childishness, or codependency.  It can be the carrier of great personal guilt. 

• Circe (34)

In The Odyssey, Circe is an enchantress exiled to a remote island for murdering her husband. When Odysseus arrives with his men, she turns them all to swine with poisoned food. Only Odysseus was able to escape the horror of nonconsensual shapeshifting, and threatened her with a sword, thereby saving himself. Eventually all the men were given back their human forms, and everyone had a grand old time on Circe's island: drinking, laughing, dancing, eating, etc. Circe turned out to be pretty nice, just lonely and bitter, and was Odysseus' bedmate for about a year. Oddly, the Circe asteroid seems to be related to providing assistance.

• Minos (6239)

Minos is most famously known as the tyrannical King of Crete 

• Hera, Juno (103, 3)

Hera's main legacy is as the jealous wife of Zeus. (This jealousy tends to be demonized in Greek myth, but really, who wouldn't be jealous. Zeus slept with anything that walked. )

I have heard conflicting definitions of Hera's actual meaning, but her relevance seems to be less literal. Hera represents fairness in relationships and parental models. I see it as an indicator of the relationship between one's parents in childhood. 

• Juvenalis (2818)
• Freud (4342)
• Acacia (8652)
• Ceres, Demeter

Ceres/Demeter was the mother of Proserpina/Persephone; the beautiful mortal woman abducted by Hades and taken into the underworld. As an asteroid, she signifies motherhood and nurturance, and sometimes the loss of a child. Ceres/Demeter can be used to deduce one's relationship to their mother and/or how their own will to take care of/be taken care of plays out in their life. For example, if an Ascendant is conjunct Ceres and I tend to mother the people I am close to. Generally

• Nanna

Nanna seems to be the asteroid of familial legacy, usually inherited through a mother or a maternal/paternal grandmother. People with Nanna placed significantly within their chart often have a deep personal identification with this legacy, either good or bad. I find this asteroid to have a certain feeling of false "predestination" to it, as if one must follow in the footsteps of their ancestors. This, of course, is not necessarily true. It can be a good asteroid, of course, if positively aspected, and can indicate a feeling of personal purpose- as if one's life path has already been safely tread and mapped. There is a sense with this asteroid that one must live either to correct the wrongs of their ancestry or to repeat an unfortunate cycle, passed down through the family line. 

Violence, Depression, Emotional Wounds, Abuse and Anxiety 

• Dejanira*

Dejanira (or Deianira,) companion to Nessus, is one of the more famous asteroids. Defined simply, it is the asteroid of victimization. Often this victimization is of a sexual nature. Dejanira herself was raped by Heracles, her later husband, and raped once again by the centaur ferryman Nessus as she crossed the river Euenos. Heracles was able to save her by shooting Nessus with a poisoned arrow from the riverbank. As Nessus died, he told Dejanira to take his bloody tunic, promising her that if Heracles was ever unfaithful, the blood on his tunic would make him once again loyal to her. Instead of making Heracles faithful, however, it gave him horrifying burns that caused him to jump into a funeral pyre. In consequence, Dejanira commits suicide. (It is a deeply painful asteroid.)

• Nessus

Nessus, equally famed as Dejanira, is the asteroid of the abuser. His crimes are described in the previous paragraph.

• Swindle*

Swindle is the asteroid of exactly what its name implies: swindling. In relationship charts, it can often be an indication of manipulation, disloyalty, or blatant lying on the part of one or both partners.  The way Swindle works is more complicated than this, however, and not necessarily a harbinger of ill-will. Where Swindle sits in the natal chart indicates where you were robbed of some part of your identity. It is a personal vacancy. Therefore, like Chiron, Swindle can only be "felt" by the people around you. Whether you are aware of your swindle void or not, you cannot feel it in an empathetic manner.

Ted Bundy, prolific serial killer, had Swindle exactly conjunct Venus. An unsupported Swindle is often retributive- it manipulates, subconsciously or consciously, those who have stolen from it. Bundy began his killing spree shortly after his girlfriend (Venus) broke his heart. A supported Swindle, one that contacts more positive asteroids, can indicate more constructive swindling. I.E.; person A's Swindle conjunct person B's Venus in a synastric chart can mean person A has "stolen Person B's heart." It does not necessarily imply negative or cruel coercion. The pursuit of possession is not always ill-intentioned. 

• Nemesis

Like many other asteroids, the meaning of Nemesis is said to be extremely direct: a Nemesis. Personally, I have found this asteroid to have a similar vagueness to Sedna. The question is: is Nemesis an indicator of a part of one's chart in which you are your own Nemesis? Or a part of one's chart in which someone else has acted as your Nemesis? Or both? I don't know, folks. Nemesis is not prominent in my chart or anyone I know. Nemesis transits, however, seem to be significant. They often are the impetus for surprising negative discoveries about people close to you, or represent a period of time in which you feel particularly attacked. 

• Persephone

Journeys to the underworld, the loss of innocence, coercion, abduction, possession, etc. Not fun. 

• Achilles

One's "achilles heal;" a deep wound, a place within you where you are rendered weak.

• Adrastaeia

Loss,  abuse, trappedndess, general depression and negativity. 

• Lameia
• Tantalus*
• Amaterasu
• Grieve
• Toro

Violence, aggression. 

• Eurydice
• Angrilli
• Orpheus
• Dante
• Slaven
• Odysseus

Journeys away from home, exile.

• Bambi

Talent, Wisdom, Mind and Artistic Ability

• Telephus*

Of all asteroids listed in this post, Telephus is the one I use most religiously. It is the asteroid of telepathy, and shows a heightened level of intuition in whatever area of one's chart it resides. Telephus in water signs, or conjunct the MC, Sun, or AC, is an indication of potent psychic power. Telephus transits are often disorienting, but seem to come with important revelations about the largest focus of one's current life. It is an extremely slow moving asteroid, and will linger for long periods of time around the same area. Telephus is a helpful asteroid for those who suffer from type of anxiety–check where Telephus is transiting in your chart, and what else it aspect

• Vesta
• Talent
• Wisdom
• Castalia
• Urania
• Nietzsche
• Sapientia*
• Eureka
• Pavlov*
• Cleobulus
• Assesse
• Chimaera

Things that are "chimaeric;" difficult to escape 

• Maniac
• Polydoros
• Hekate
• Minerva
• Biblialexa

Karma, Fate, Past-Lives, Secrets, Illusion and Memory

• Mnemosyne, Memoria*
• Quaoar 
• Karma, Moira
• Sphinx*
• Saga*
• Anagolay
• Morpheus
• Earhart
• Aeternitas

Love, Friendship, Relationships, Affection, Marriage and Sex

• Psyche
• Eros
• Casanova
• Arabella
• Lust

Duh. 

• Anteros*

One of my favorite asteroids: deep, equal, requited love. 

• Eratos
• Constantia
• Phaedra*
• Agapenor
• Syrinx
• Union and Unitas

Coming together. 

• Boda

"Marriage" in Spanish. 

• Christa

Self sacrifice, a christlike quality, a savior complex. A place where one tends to overlook their own needs for the needs of others. 

Etc.; (Character Traits/Concepts)

• Fama

Fame and infamy. A lack of privacy, the broadcasting of personal information, intrusion. 

• Fides
• Hidalgo
• Memnon
• Fama
• Lucifer
• Metis
• Desiderata
• Cheshirecat
• Dali*
• Abstracta
• Church
• Humptydumpty

Permanent change. A loss of innocence, a fall from grace, something that transforms you irreparably, often to the sadness of those around you ("all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put humpty together again...")

• Whiterabbit
• Alona*

Aloneness. 

• Pandora
• Protogeneia*

Firsts. Protogeneia in person A's chart conjunct person B's Venus would indicate, for example, that person B had perhaps a revolutionary love influence that was new to person A. 

The Aesthetics of Kacy & Clayton: The Siren's Song

Kacy & Clayton in all their orange-tinged glory,
looking with casual fascination into a space beyond the
viewer's head. They've got that rural Saskatchewan gothic,
intellectual farmer feel to them. 

A disclaimer: 
Although this blog claims to be about astropsychology, I think the presence of that small but significant "etc." gives me some amount of leeway. Hopefully the nonexistent readers that frequent this spottily updated blog are not appalled by the brief change in content. Sorry, my imaginary friends, sometimes an album is just too good.
In general, the flavor of this blog is going to gradually change over the next month or so.











Tidal is often a pretty hazardous musical platform. I say "hazardous" because it is massive. The sheer excess of music available to listen to is almost a type of travesty. Artists sift in and out of the opening page in a constantly renewable stream; one after the other, illustrating, among other things, how insignificant most individual pieces of art truly are in the grand scheme of human invention. This is not said to express that making art is futile. It is certainly not futile. I'm just saying: the amount of art we have readily available to us is overwhelming.

There is always something more required to consume in terms of contemporary art; musical, visual, written. It's tiring as hell. Personally, I don't have the energy required to "keep up" with it. I get far too obsessed with individual albums to move on quickly to something else in pursuit of knowledge alone. Plus, it's difficult to give all new music a fighting chance, when you're primarily using album covers as indications of what might be inside. We don't have to like, sit still with select pieces of art anymore, yunno?

Anyway, about a week ago I was looking through the daunting menagerie of Tidal's new releases, and came upon the above album cover. Isn't it pretty? Isn't it orange? Don't the two alluring youths on the cover seem to come from some other, older world? (The answer, clearly, is yes, and if you did not think, verbatim; "don't those two alluring youths seem to come from some other, older world," I would suggest you listen to more folk music.)

Kacy & Clayton, otherworldly people that they are, have perfected two necessary aspects of songwriting: contrast and variation. Contrast and variation are what keep albums interesting to listen to. It is incredibly easy for folk artists to lazily wade into a sort of sleepy, dull, repetition that Kacy & Clayton miraculously do not. "Miraculously," because they strictly adhere to a very traditional musical format. You can expect a verse, a hook, a bridge, each at their proper times, there is no unexpected transition. Nonetheless, something about the way Kacy's syrupy vocals sit atop Clayton's transformative, rhythmic fingerpicking, is so consistently charming that there is never a moment when this pairing tires. Together, they are able to hit these beautiful, higher, metallic notes, while also being grounded by more watery, earthy, human sounds. In short, they complete each other.

Of course, I am always most invested in the lyrics of any given band, and Kacy & Clayton also have extremely distinct thoughts. In their previous album, Strange Country, they were primarily storytellers; narrating spooky, insulated scenes and the spooky, distant people that resided within these. The tone was collective and separate; Kacy & Clayton were not the focus of their own music, their characters were.

In The Siren's Song, however, the perspective belongs more consistently to the speaker, to "I" than "they." It is more an album about personal emotion than impersonal situation. Still, Kacy & Clayton are masterfully maintain a type of "distant intimacy." It remains unclear if the songs Kacy sings are about her experience, or Clayton's, and even when using a more modern, first person voice, there is the feeling that she is singing something far more ancient.

In "The World Has Seven Wonders," she sings; "the talk of the town drove me into the city/I went looking for affection but all I got was pity/got a call from mother wishing I was well/I didn't have the heart to say the city's living hell." What incredibly gorgeous, emotionally intuitive lyrics: so sparse, but with such large ideas. In every lyric, Kacy & Clayton are able to conjure the entire lives of the people they speak about. One couplet holds an entire universe.

Aesthetically, Kacy & Clayton err on the alien, the mysterious. There is a pronounced feeling of displacement, longing, and discomfort. "The city" is a living hell, lifeboats are built from envy, words are kept in the dark, sirens call, and love is lost and gained. Only the last song, "Go And Leave Me" displays any type of comfort or indifference. The audience is left reminded that Kacy & Clayton are still distant, still unreal, that they "don't mind" if we leave them. They will still be there, somewhere, out in the plains of Saskatchewan, with the cows and the dirt and the grass. It is an excellent album.

Astrology makes me sad but I can't stop researching it: astrophilosophy sucks/is great

One of the more frustrating aspects of life seems to be that the things that make you smarter also make you sadder.

When I say "smarter" I am not referring to one's ability to properly draw an electron dot structure, however emotional this process may be. I am talking about the kind of emotional knowledge that astrology exists to catalogue; to know ourselves, to know others, to know or knowledgeably not know how we will each approach the world and what lies outside of it.

This intelligence is obviously of greater importance to living than the intelligence of dot structures, and everyone I like tends to agree. I therefore will avoid waxing poetic about what quantifies intelligence and instead assume that I like you, that you agree, and that we can have a normal (and completely one-sided) discussion about why learning astrology is sad.

Astrology is a large and mysterious thing that dodges most definition acrobatically. For the purpose of this blog, I am going to call it an intricate equation of fate. Or, for those of you who like your important points bolded and underlined: A Fate Equation. No, a natal, synastric, composite, or progressed chart does not cement exact happenings, but it 9/10 times gestures in the direction of reality. (If it didn't, none of us would study astrology, obviously.)

The interesting thing about astrology is that it proposes fate to be something existing inside of us that is reflected outward, as opposed to something outward that is inflicted inward. Liz Greene argues that the world reacts to us the way it does due to our individual natal astrology, and that our natal astrology is karmically inherited from our family line. Basically the way in which our natal planets touch the natal planets of others may inspire them to either abuse us or shower us with love.

This is, of course, not a way to blame or excuse anyone for the suffering they may have experienced in their life or the suffering they may have caused others. The time of our birth is just as much out of our control as the family we are born into or the people we encounter as we age. But whether this astrological way of thinking blames or excuses or not, it just kind of sucks to think about.

Even though I think the word "happiness" has been used weirdly in the Western world, (and is in general a vaguely flawed concept,) the core of having an enduring "happiness" is largely related to how much control any given person may feel they have over their life. If you're a kind of mopey, negative person who is infatuated with learning about emotion and people (despite having a conflicted relationship with both,) it is incredibly easy to research astrology and come away thinking:
"i am a slave 2 the time of my birth.... there is no escape from this starry, starry hell..."

And, like, isn't that kind of true? And not? And true? And not?

Unfortunately the kinds of philosophizing one might do to escape from this tunnel of thought, the kinds which seem more humanistic and positive, are the kinds which violently reject astrology altogether. It is awfully appealing to throw oneself into the arms of Kierkegaard and weep, but to believe that our lives are essentially within our control, we must decide that our natal charts are meaningless and arcane. Which I think we can agree they are not.

So how do we deal with the crushing knowledge that fate is real, cruel, and inescapable while also feeling autonomy over our lives? How do we influence (not change) fate in our favor?

Lol, I don't know. I don't believe that anyone else "knows" either, but I do think that finding the primary shittinesses in one's chart and confronting them with intention is apart of the solution to this paradox. This confrontation depends on the shittiness in question, as well as one's personal perspective of how dealing with this shittiness may be done. The problem with intentional healing is that one never knows if they have done it correctly until they have already acted upon what they thought was the "right" thing to do. And even then it may be unclear.

I have no conclusion to this entry. I just think that reconciling fate with freedom is majorly important for the wellbeing of anyone involved in deeper astrology. Although philosophy is truly awful, is something that even philosophers themselves despise, ya gotta go all the way in if you've sacrificed your soul to astrology. Ya gotta think like a philosopher to deal with this new, terrifying self awareness. Sorry! That's the way it is, dudes.

Moon, Venus, Mars in the 2nd house: crazy aunts and distant fathers.

It is undeniable that most astrologers primarily identify 2nd house placements as being vehicles for either financial failure or success. I think that's kind of lazy. Yes, the 2nd house is about material possession, finances, real estate, cooking and the like, but it is far more than that. To not ask why or how is to be completely unintuitive.

The 2nd house symbolizes younger childhood and familial history. It can indicate how a particular planet's function was inherited from parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. The planets which are placed in the 2nd house are immediately turned inward. They develop stubbornly and are a source of great personal rumination or repression. If they are difficultly aspected, especially with an outer planet like Uranus or Pluto, the inner turmoil that occurs as a result can be much harder to heal than a planet in a more fluid house.

A positively aspected Moon/Venus in the 2nd house can imply a supportive relationship with a network of older female family members beyond the mother. Influential aunts and female family friends are common. Usually these women are closely connected to domestic life. They may be fixated upon the improvement of their homes, collect art (or be artists/artisans themselves,) dress well (or at least with consideration,) and be generous with (of course) money and food- almost to the point of aggression. ("Let me pay for the Goddamn tickets!" "Eat more, you look close to death.") These women can tell fantastic stories about their past experiences, and often live close to or in the same residence as the 2nd house Moon. In early life, it is likely that they will provide a cushion of financial support for their family- but often they have not necessarily earned this money themselves (gaining through marriage or inheritance.) In later life, a 2nd house Moon or Venus may receive an inheritance as well after an older female family member's death.

Conversely, a negatively aspected 2nd house Moon/Venus, or a 2nd house Moon/Venus in an ominous sign (Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, Scorpio,) can create a hereditary pattern of unsupportive, unavailable or erratic female family members. An afflicted Pisces Moon in the 2nd house may have had their grandmother, mother and aunt(s) all suffer from the same genetically inherent illness/disorder. Other afflicted 2nd house Moons/Venuses may have female family members who fluctuate violently between excess and asceticism; women with eating disorders, shopping addictions, generosity that impoverishes them, houses stuffed with hoarded trash, and heartbreak/violences/abandonments that they are never able to fully recover from. These women appear to be enslaved to their own emotions and desires. They emulate the astrological age of the 2nd house; the characteristics of a child between 7-14 years old as opposed to caregivers. As a child, the afflicted 2nd house Moon/Venus may look up to these women, but disillusionment is probable with age.

A well-aspected Mars in the 2nd house can, in the best case scenario, indicate a wealthy father figure who was the primary provider in childhood. He was often sociable and attracted to beautiful women and art. He had some interest in history, politics and war, and may have enjoyed debating these topics with his children or male friends/relatives. A 2nd house Mars' father will rarely change his mind, and was probably quite opinionated. If he has difficulty connecting with his children, he will attempt to assist them career-wise, sometimes even to the extent of nepotism. Either way, there tends to be a family business, craft or interest encouraged by both the mother and father in different ways. The father will have had high standards for his children, or will elicit in them a desire for his approval. Although male family members may be present, they tend to be less dominant than the father. Still, there is often a strong cultural identity passed down through the paternal side of the family or in a 2nd house Mars' maternal grandfather. Also passed down is the child's attitude towards money- which tends to lean towards frugality when placed in a harmonious sign.

Unfortunately, however, Mars in the 2nd house usually does not indicate a supportive father, especially when afflicted. It is more common for the father to be at least slightly neglectful, irresponsible, removed, or even abusive. If Mars falls in Cancer, Libra or Taurus this may be enhanced. Just as with the aunts and grandmothers of the Moon/Venus in the 2nd house, an afflicted Mars in the 2nd father will be ruled heavily by his compulsions and desires, often to the point of egotism.

If he would like to possess anything- he must have it, no matter who it may belong to or who he may hurt in pursuit of it. He could buy an expensive car at the brink of financial ruin, catapulting his family into poverty, or spend so much time working abroad that he is in a separate country during the birth of his third child. Mars in the 2nd fathers are frequently adulterous, as well, and not all that subtle about it. Abusive Mars in the 2nd fathers will rationalize abuse by claiming it is a kind of discipline, no matter how little the abuse resembles that. In actuality, he abuses to gain a sense of control- something which he similarly gains through the spending or hoarding of money. Perhaps the most painful aspect of having a Mars in the 2nd placement, is that one's father will be too prideful, argumentative or stubborn to ever apologize or even acknowledge his absence/abuse. A person with an afflicted Mars in the 2nd may think that, as a result of their father's distance, they must accumulate and never lose both material possessions and people. Of course, this merely repeats the original pre-occupation with acquiring things that caused them pain as a child.

It is this sense of historical repetition which can can "trap" a planet in the 2nd house. An afflicted Venus square Uranus in the 2nd house, for example, may create someone who feels trapped by the surprising nature of their own romantic life- whether it be the erratic way they love or the erratic love of others. This person may default to the opinion that "everything is out of my control" and feel as if they have little autonomy over their emotions. They may even practice emotional complacency out of a feeling of powerlessness.

The 2nd house is ruled by Taurus, which opposes the 8th house of Scorpio. Perhaps the most significant reason that Taurus is in opposition to Scorpio is because of a Taurean aversion to transformation. In the 8th house a planet is thrown to great heights of intensity, examined and then regenerated. In the 2nd, it is more likely to stew within itself for years- causing less consistent upheaval than it would in the 8th, but creating a wound that is never fully bandaged. The 2nd house usually has an enduringly vivid memory of its past (good or bad,) which can lead to a fear of nostalgia in general that cripples the process of healing.

What an afflicted 2nd house planet must learn is that suppression and possession will not prevent loss. To deny themselves self-knowledge and memory out of fear is to deny them who they are.

The Scorpio placement voice theory

A few months ago as I was sitting in the library, I vaguely overheard a conversation my close friend was having with someone next to us. It was not a particularly important conversation or a particularly interesting conversation, but something about it felt slightly off. As I listened, I realized that this oddity was the tone of my friend's voice- it had undergone an incredibly subtle shift. A shift which I can only describe tonally as moving from a more natural, even speaking voice to something oilier. More theatrical and self-conscious.

Both my friend and I have prominent Scorpio Moons. Probably the sole reason I detected this vocal shift is because I do the same thing, and because I've only ever noticed other Scorpio Moons or Scorpio risings doing it as well. It is something we are almost always unaware of in the moment, a subdued way of claiming a small amount of leverage over whomever we may be talking to. No, that is not an extremely nice thing to admit, but this change in voice is mostly guileless. It is not conscious manipulation, and it does not come from a place of ill will.

If a person with several Scorpio placements unfurls the voice they are usually trying to impress their audience. It should be noted that the voice is not a constant thing. It is used when the Scorpionic human being in question feels the pressure to perform, and the anxiety natural to any Scorpio placement responds by masking their vulnerability. I've found that when I'm comfortable enough to speak in class* I tend to Scorpio voice my way through analyzing a text or discussing historical events.

Anyway, feel free to decide for yourself whether this is bullshit.

Here is an example of the "Scorpio placement voice;" Elijah Wood in an interview this past year (Aquarius Sun, Scorpio Moon and MC.) Notice the pauses after sentences, the sort of calculated hand movements, even the "uhhh...."s sound, at least to me, almost decorative. He exposes himself only by blinking a bit excessively- usually a sign of self-consciousness. (I hate to analyze poor EW like this, but let's be real- psychoastrological theory is a pretty niche subject and my blog is a pretty quiet cupboard of the internet. There is a shockingly small chance he would ever find this, thank God.)

Now compare that to this interview with Ewan McGregor (Aries Sun, Gemini Moon, no Scorpio placements whatsoever- Saturn in the 8th.) (Try to wade through the accent.) He seems more genuine to me mainly because of how naturally flat his voice stays and how quickly his facial expressions change- like punctuation versus persuasion. Most people in casual conversation do not emphasize each word individually (as EW does,) and because of this when they begin speaking with real passion there is a noticeable abrupt shift. When he starts giggling he exposes a bit of actual, non-rehearsed anxiety.

Idk, man.

Disclaimers:

• I often see this more among Scorpio Moons/risings than Scorpio Suns. 
• The voice may not be present at all if the individual has an oppressive placement in Gemini, the 3rd house, or an afflicted Mercury. This would lead to a general difficulty with verbal communication.

*A very rare occurrence.